Each person has their own story as to why they change. But once that person changes, there’s always peers that disapprove and there’s others that approve.

You shouldn’t have to change for other people though.
You change because you want to for your own good and because you want to better your own self in your own way.

I’ve been told that I’m too soft, and that I need to say ‘no’ and speak my mind, and that I shouldn’t just do things for the happiness and content of others. I’ve been told that I need to become more confident and stand up for myself. I’ve been told to tell people to stop belittling me, and also have been told to stop accepting and just forgiving and forgetting how these people act up to me. I’ve been told that I need to show my emotions when I want them to be shown. I need to show anger, frustration, madness, rage, annoyance, and all the rest of those bad emotions when I feel them and not store them up and hold a grudge instead. I’ve been told these things and so much more.

So I’ve been changing myself so that I won’t get any more of this bullshit from people. I’ve been changing myself to show my emotion right then and there so that it all doesn’t store up and just fire off or eat me up inside. I’ve slowly been changing myself so that I won’t act like I like someone just for the sake of being nice when I don’t.

But the people that told me that I should make that change in myself in recent days are just astounded confused and I guess disappointed that I’ve become explosive, mad, that I speak up for myself basically… Well I’m done dealing with people bullshitting me, so I’m gunna act how I want. I’m not going to be fake and lie that I’m okay with something or that I accept whatever bullshit apology you have to give me. I’m not going to constantly keep forgiving the people that constantly treat me the same way over and over like that. Don’t tell me to change how I just let people treat me so low, and do it yourself hypocrites. Don’t like this side of me that doesn’t take this bull anymore? Well I didn’t like the side of me that took that bull from people. I’m changing for my own personal mental health.

Yeah there’s that whole religious aspect. I’m going to live for others no matter how stubborn they can be. I’m set on doing good in this world through architecture and improving the lives of others and dedicate most of my passion and energy to helping them. I’ll have to be patient and calm. So I should have that same patience with people that I know. But I’m human. I’m not Mother Teresa. I’m not God. I have my imperfections. I might end up alone in this fight to stand up for myself, but it’s a fight worth dealing with. I might say everything I need to say now, but that doesn’t mean I’ll hate a person forever or something. I’m just telling you what I tell myself so that I won’t be lying to your face.

Come at me now.